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Be bashful and giddy and shy and cute. I am deprived of all of this when you are not here beside me where you belong. Every moment I feel like my heart could burst from sorrowful pain. But it won’t. Being apart doesn’t kill you like it should. It should just instantly kill you and stop the pain. But merciless departure only laughs and slowly kills you through smoking and depression and binges. Death comes on soft slow wings. I can not part form you again. I’m awake and I look at your face. What a beautiful face you have. Such perfect skin. Soft robust red lips. Dark brown hair to go with your absolutely gorgeous killer eyes. I wish you would open them right now and look at me. The miserable woman that I am. Only a fleck of what I used to be. I used to be flamboyant and boisterous and outgoing and calm. Do you still see it now? If you can, you’re the only one. You were scared I would change in college, I already know the biggest change you ill ever se out of me, you’ve already seen.. The first problem was no one was home. Gus had just left to work as a junior camp counselor for the next month, and my wife and daughter were out shopping. They had planned on being gone all day. I really wished I carried my cell phone with me all the time like my kids did, but I had just never gotten into the habit.The second problem was that my neighbors all lived too far away to hear me call for help. I know because I tried over and over again. Eventually, I gave up.The last problem was that it was very hot out - we were suffering through an August heat wave - and I was laying in the middle of the yard with no shade. This was a problem I could try to solve, at least, and I managed to army crawl on my belly slowly and painfully a dozen yards toward the pool deck before I gave up. I almost made it, but it just hurt too much to keep going. I rolled over onto my back and spread out my arms and legs, which was the most comfortable position I could get into. The ground was kind of cool,.
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